Zombie

I walked to and fro near the smoking area in the office grounds as I do my last stick before I retire for the night. The wind is stronger than usual, but is warmer than the last nights. I spot a medium sized roach lingering near the slender trash can made specifically for smokers. It probably is in the last moments of its life.

This is a second in just a few days that I had to be awake for almost 36 hours just to meet the demands of work. I want to leave but the circumstances are just not favorable. So I am left to rue the other possibilities that I could have entertained. But if I am given a small window, I will take the chance and go for something new.

Of course my mind will wander to my personal travails. It wouldn't be normal if it won't. But it's sober now, not allowing itself to be dragged to feel a tinge of depression. The usual things that I should have done, should have learned when I was younger. Seeing in other people things that I hope I have. But I found myself smiling. Because it came to me that I may indeed lack a lot (at least to my thinking), and at this age I am still in the "growing up" stage, but at least I am improving.

That's better than nothing.

 

Man in the Mirror

You were standing in front of the dresser mirror, studying yourself, obviously pleased with the results of your toils at the gym. I look at you, and, stripped of everything else, I see another human being who deserves my respect. Adding everything you are to me, I see someone who I love and cherish. I felt remorse for all the times I may have treated you wrongly. And at the same time lighter with relief, for I remember how to properly.

Thank you for your love. I appreciate you. I hope you always feel that.

 

TTCT

Why can someone utterly love us?

Why can that someone not love us anymore?

Mysteries the answers of which elude hearts who have love and have lost love.


(Aftermath of watching "That Thing Called Tadhana")

 

Bare: A Great Plea

A great desire to face a day without having to deal with who or what I am. I rue the fact that I didn't endeavor to decide for myself who or what I would like to become when I was in my formative years. And now that I have become aware of that, I have that nagging feeling that it's too late. It's hard to unlearn years of psych, and made even harder by the fact that I have to deal with a lot else. And to be surrounded by people who don't have the same dealings makes it harder, giving me the impression of isolation. It's super hard. There are days that I just feel hollow, just an empty shell that is forced to function just to meet what is asked of me. That's not living. Not even near it.

It is my prayer that I will overcome. I am aware of a ton of blessings that is given to me. A lot to be thankful for. But even to ALWAYS have the right mindset is tremendously difficult. A really compromising situation to be in.

It's really super hard. I wish. I hope. I pray. Please.. :-(

 

The Fuss Over Chocolates

I bought these to help keep me alert and awake at work.

Half-jokingly, I asked in Twitter if there's a difference between the two. Embarrassingly, I actually want to know. I think the two who replied are as clueless as I am, but I endeavored, and I discovered that Curly Tops is your usual Pinoy chocolate, while Flat Tops has this tinge of saltiness to it. Based on my personal palate of course. That's life-changing knowledge for y'all. Lol!

One reply, though, made me stop and think. "They're both chocolates," it said. While there are indeed a wide variety, the specific kind of these two and their somewhat apparent similarity kinda made the initial question absurd. Is there a big reason for such a fuss, however trivial it may be? I remember all the times when I mulled over tons of unnecessary things, and failed to just enjoy what's there to appreciate.

So, I'll stop asking, and, just simply enjoy them chocolates.

Want some?