The Groom's Man

"Kuya, nasabi ko na sa bahay, pero gusto ko sabihin sa iyo na personal. Ikakasal na ako.."

I unconsciously stayed silent for a moment. Then, remembering the courtesy the occassion calls, I forced myself a smile and expressed my congratulations.

Our family is a tightly knitted one. We have always lived in one roof. The family dynamics was such that it was hard for anyone to enter the circle, so the significant others of my siblings always had a hard time fitting in. It was such an effort for each one of us to accommodate newcomers.

I stayed silent for a while when he broke the news to me because I am feeling a bit sad. But I am happy for them. Truly. Ever since when the whole family had something against their relationship, I had always been the one showing my brother support, and always giving them the chance. And I am happy how they turned out. They still have quite a lot to work on, but I think they can manage. And I will always be there to support them.

This week, despite the work schedule, I am making the most out of the last times I can spend with my brother while he is still ours, so to speak. Last night I met them for a last time before they get married, giving them last-minute advices and all, like I always had. I had to check myself because it was not only one moment that tears threatened to fall.

I will miss kidding my little brother. All the little nuances. Arranging our weekly badminton sessions. I will miss hearing him snore in the room we share with our youngest brother. I will miss him.

Now as his best man I am tasked to give a speech. Writing this I already am sobbing, seems very likely the tears will flow when I am up there, saying what I can say in the few minutes that I have.

I often hear in weddings how they say they will not lose their brother/sister, but will gain another sister/brother. While I know that is true..

..I can't help but still feel that I will be losing a brother.

:(
 

Back

It was a semi-deliberate browsing, but I ran across snippets from Brokeback Mountain. Brought me back to a special time in my life. And as wiser and more mature as I am now, I am still clueless about love, sex, and relationships. My heart longs for it, I am sure of that..