I walked to and fro near the smoking area in the office grounds as I do my last stick before I retire for the night. The wind is stronger than usual, but is warmer than the last nights. I spot a medium sized roach lingering near the slender trash can made specifically for smokers. It probably is in the last moments of its life.
This is a second in just a few days that I had to be awake for almost 36 hours just to meet the demands of work. I want to leave but the circumstances are just not favorable. So I am left to rue the other possibilities that I could have entertained. But if I am given a small window, I will take the chance and go for something new.
Of course my mind will wander to my personal travails. It wouldn't be normal if it won't. But it's sober now, not allowing itself to be dragged to feel a tinge of depression. The usual things that I should have done, should have learned when I was younger. Seeing in other people things that I hope I have. But I found myself smiling. Because it came to me that I may indeed lack a lot (at least to my thinking), and at this age I am still in the "growing up" stage, but at least I am improving.
That's better than nothing.
Moments of rumination while smoking are among the things I miss.
ReplyDeleteEspecially the smoking.
Nice. You've successfully quit smoking. For me, it's these moments that make it hard for me to. It gives that special vibe kasi e.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. We can write a whole blog post about the sublime satisfaction of smoking while lost in deep thought. One of the few times I didn't feel guilty over the activity.
ReplyDelete