Wednesday, May 21, 2014

In Limbo

At the end of the movie, Nemo's friends from the dentist's aquarium did manage to escape. Finally free from their confinement, the only plan/thought they managed was a measly question of "Now what?"

Finally shedding my inhibitions one by one, I find myself asking the same question. I discovered what I am really passionate about. Singing, dancing, acting, writing, and playing badminton. And it's not just that. I know what I want in my personal life too. But, after knowing all that, there is the question, now what? I feel like a bird who wants to fly, but doesn't know how. Not that I am afraid, but, it's just that, I don't know what to do. I am in a standstill, I want to make something happen, but I'm unable to.

Time isn't of any help, as I am not as young as I used to be, with responsibilities abounding left and right.

In the end only time will tell. I just need tons of patience while things unfold in their right time.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Man of the House

After the family lunch out, I excused myself to get some money from the ATM. I rejoined them later in the parking area.

"Saan ka ba nanggaling?" the youngest asked.

"Nag-withdraw lang. Di mo ba narinig kanina?"

"Hindi na. Susundan sana kita akala ko magyoyosi ka, kaso nawala ka na agad. Hindi ko naman sila maiiwanan na walang ibang lalaking kasama, unless nandun ka."

My youngest brother is, after my dad, the alpha male of the brood. He knows most of who I am. The closest sibling. To have him regard me in that way speaks volumes.

Perhaps, to the eyes of some, I am more than what I give myself credit for.



"No Film. Only Digital Printing."

Such is the reminder of a photo printing store to its customers.

Indeed this is an era where connections are made instantly. With just a click, each like, comment, favorite, reply, retweet, and what have you, connects you right away to someone else. Such is the digital world.

How, then, do these digital connections translate to real life?

"Pictures taken from a film camera cannot be seen right away. They have to be developed first. And before it's done, the pictures are already in our memory. They become the more recognisable features of the developed pictures. By then film picture cannot be erased from our lives." - Mhog (Hormones) (paraphrased)

I hope my online connections go deeper and spill over to real life and leave marks that will last a lifetime.


Friday, May 16, 2014


You once shared with me that oftentimes the blogosphere serves as the receptacle of your otherwise unexpressed sentiments in real life. I now follow suit.

Twice I sent distress signals. Twice you responded. In this day and age, that's a gem. Thank you for that.

Thanks for helping me expand my horizon. It feels great to get the chance to discover more of myself and of others.

Now I shall say this. I still need your help. You know I'm still a kid with regards to the dealings of our kind. Be patient still even when I ask pathetic questions. If I will be likened to a protégé, I know I'll make you proud someday.

I'm envious of the ones who you took under your wing. Your guidance and protection are luxuries I hope I can have.

And more so, I hope we can be better friends. I try to reach out, but I still feel you still shun me out. Our friendship can grow more than a problem solving endeavor.



"Because I'm still scared. And no matter what happens tonight, when I leave, I don't want to be scared anymore." - Dre Parker, The Karate Kid

I'm tired of being afraid. Of a mind that's brimming with worries. Of allowing myself to take crap from other people. Of not having the courage to go out there and live life to the fullest.

The realization happened gradually. I still don't know what to make of it; I feel like I'm still finding my way in the dark. But I'm loving the feeling. I'm slowly becoming the guy that I didn't think I could ever be.

Coming of age. Late as it is, but I'm thankful I arrived in this stage regardless of the timing. I still hope it could have happened earlier, as I count all the opportunities I missed. But, as the old adage says, better late than never.

I've begun to embrace what embodies myself. To improve on the areas that need it. To stand my ground and have faith in myself. To seize the opportunities to be brave and to face my fears. To not be held back by anything, be it the real or the things that are just conceived in my mind.

What will become of me in the future? For the first time in my life, I'm excited to discover.