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I shivered a little.

The edge of this eastern sea was kissing my toes, its waves gently making love to the sprawling ivory sand. Birds have started singing their greetings to the wind, as the sun is just about to bring life to the silver-gray sky.

The seawater on the beach. Its allegory. I never wanted to forget. Not because I enjoy the pain, but that's how I am. Life was asking more than what our years could handle. He broke down. I couldn't handle it. And on that faithful Saturday afternoon, in the veranda of that city high rise, we parted ways. I was clutching the banisters as if I would fall. He came to me and put his hand over mine. "I'm leaving." My glance never met his, and I'll never know how long he lingered after, for he left in silence. The setting sun was witness. The anger, the sadness, the desperation. The anguish of not knowing what to do. The tears stopped when it seemed like there's nothing left in me. Of all the memories, this one is the most vivid.

"Hey," he greeted as he sat beside me. I wasn't warned of his approach. "Have you figured the secrets of the universe yet?" he chuckled. "Yes. It doesn't exist. Neither do we," I didn't shy away from the banter. "Ha! You and your musings. Well, there's one thing I'm sure does exist. Breakfast! Come on, before it gets cold." He winked. A habit he got from me. I winked back. We got upright, and dusted the sand off. At my first stride he held my hand, smiled, and led me to the small cottage. With his vision up front, I glanced at my hand in his, and smiled. Because unlike that afternoon when he held it to let me go, he is now leading me home.

Our gray silhouettes suddenly raced before us. The sun has finally risen.

Zombie

I walked to and fro near the smoking area in the office grounds as I do my last stick before I retire for the night. The wind is stronger than usual, but is warmer than the last nights. I spot a medium sized roach lingering near the slender trash can made specifically for smokers. It probably is in the last moments of its life.

This is a second in just a few days that I had to be awake for almost 36 hours just to meet the demands of work. I want to leave but the circumstances are just not favorable. So I am left to rue the other possibilities that I could have entertained. But if I am given a small window, I will take the chance and go for something new.

Of course my mind will wander to my personal travails. It wouldn't be normal if it won't. But it's sober now, not allowing itself to be dragged to feel a tinge of depression. The usual things that I should have done, should have learned when I was younger. Seeing in other people things that I hope I have. But I found myself smiling. Because it came to me that I may indeed lack a lot (at least to my thinking), and at this age I am still in the "growing up" stage, but at least I am improving.

That's better than nothing.

 

Man in the Mirror

You were standing in front of the dresser mirror, studying yourself, obviously pleased with the results of your toils at the gym. I look at you, and, stripped of everything else, I see another human being who deserves my respect. Adding everything you are to me, I see someone who I love and cherish. I felt remorse for all the times I may have treated you wrongly. And at the same time lighter with relief, for I remember how to properly.

Thank you for your love. I appreciate you. I hope you always feel that.

 

TTCT

Why can someone utterly love us?

Why can that someone not love us anymore?

Mysteries the answers of which elude hearts who have love and have lost love.


(Aftermath of watching "That Thing Called Tadhana")