Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Not Man Enough?

I am dead scared in being cast in a situation where I am supposed to display my masculinity. Paranoia grips me hard, that I am convinced that I will fail and that people will come to discover my secret. So meeting the family of a girl friend or her friends is dreadful. The same with acting as a soldier in a play. Even hosting an event. I always get petrified.

Thus this morning I was then moved to ask my confidante here in the office. "Boy para ba akong bading kumilos?" "Hindi naman boy," was his answer.

While I am having a better grasp of my sexuality, I'm still at a lost as to how to deal with this fear. I may even have nothing to fear at all. But in any case I must discover how. I don't want to be scared anymore.

 

5 comments:

  1. ease up.

    the more you get stiff, the ahrder it gets.

    wait. not in that sense, ok?

    lolz

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  2. I know how you feel. I realized why I was scared then because I didn't know how to act and react in certain situations. Then I met amazing and interesting people who have a grip on their sexuality and they served as role models on how to handle those kinds of stuff. :)

    andun ka na sa isang step, finding a confidant in the workplace to keep you sane.

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  3. EW: what get's harder? *assumes innocent face* haha sira!

    Hustin: yes, having a confidant (i stand corrected) is really helpful. well this dude is straight, so he kinda can't relate to me well, but he is able enough to listen and steady me every now and then when i go to him during these moments. he's actually the first straight dude that i ever got this close to, and it started from that. malaki naitulong niya sa akin.

    ReplyDelete